I had sex with a girl on my 20th birthday. Alright, so it wasn’t sex, but I did have sexual relations with a girl on my 20th birthday. That’s right, big gay me, fooling around with a girl. I could blame it on the alcohol which caused the lack of inhibition, but that would just be hypocrisy. I knew what I was doing and I wanted to do it. The thing is, I didn’t realize I wanted to do it until it happened. That’s what really got me to thinking about my own sexual orientation.

I identify myself as gay. No questions about that, I am attracted to guys, to men, to boys. I am not, ladies and gentlemen, attracted to the female gender in any way shape or form. Yet, it seems, I can still get it up for and be sexually active with women. Don’t ask me how this works; I, to this day, do not understand it. I just know it happened.

So what makes a man gay? What makes a man bisexual?

Though I don’t claim to have the ‘be all, end all’ answer, I’ll see what I can come up with. As pretty much any GLBTQ Counsellor will tell you, one’s sexual identity is personal and so one gets to choose which they decide they want to be. Thus, technically, I could identify as a lesbian. And so I can identify as gay, even though I can get it up for women.

So, let’s move on from there. Why would someone feel the need to label themselves? All too often, at various gatherings of GLBTQ Youth, I’m hit with the phrase “I’d rather not label myself.” The only thing I can think to say to that is “Why not?” The way I see it, a label just makes identifying your attractions much easier. Some people say that a label limits you. I say that’s a load of tripe.

I label myself as gay, but I don’t follow the stereotypical ‘rules’ of the gay label. Obviously, as aforementioned, I’ve fooled around with women, and, to this day, I see no reason why I shouldn’t do so again should the opportunity arise. I am, however, only physically attracted to guys. Since one’s sexual identity, one’s choice to label one’s self, is, in fact, one’s own, I can thus say that I am gay, and still have fun with women. I am probably one of the very few gay men who believes so, and I wish that more of the GLBTQ community would see it the same way.